Dear Independent Women
I read a meme asking women, when living with a man how much of the bills should we pay? I felt this was a set up to chastise women who would dare to say less than half or even none. But when did it become so shameful for a man to build a life for himself and family, and for a woman to accept it or even want it?
Women have made great strides becoming more independent than the last generation, and will become normal as the rate of educated, self-employed black woman continue to rise. The thought of submitting to a man will be a joke, insulting even.
But what happened to cause this shift in the roles we play in a relationship?
I strongly believe with the mix of culture, up bringing and single mothers, things changed. Standing out the most is the fact, so many children watched their mothers raise a family and hold down a household, a lot of them grew up with it in the back of their minds. But not everyone ends up with the same drive. Commonly we see women not wanting to struggle so they take the extra steps ensuring they don't need to depend on a man. Women are getting their degrees, focusing on their career and gaining independence, you have the right to expect more.
Then there is the man who we allow to question our beliefs and standards. Here I’m referring to the type of man who would post the meme and question a woman's value. I feel this man thinks because his mother raised her family and made sure everything was available for him, he doesn't understand why any other woman cannot or will not do it. Even when things get bad for him he expects a woman to carry him until he finds himself and figure it out. This man can even change the mind of a woman who grew up in a “whole family” and witnessed the importance of a man leading his household.
We have to stop enabling these men and realize he is no good for us. Just because you are independent and strong, it is not your place to raise a grown man. There is nothing wrong with dating a man who has the values of being a provider that man is working toward a goal of raising a family and being the head of the household. His goal is marriage and he will understand playing house is not enough. You can be strong with a sense of independence and still allow a man to lead, if not, you should be single or accept you will only appeal to men who you will have to raise.
I can imagine the faces of some millennial women as they think of submitting to a man, is it even an option? Please share your thoughts on shared responsibilities in a relationship and what’s important to you.
Article by Kristie Fraser