Ladies, ladies, ladies. This is a tough one, mainly because I’m still learning and digesting this lesson myself but also because it causes you to look inward and make improvements. A woman near and dear to my heart told me I'd made myself too available to a man. I take her advice seriously because after 18 years of marriage, she certainly knows more than me! I'm the kind of woman who moves mountains with her love and I'll never regret it but that can be taken advantage of real quick. I'm going to tell you like she told me, don't be available- fit him in when you feel like it. Carry yourself in a way that makes him value your time. Teach him how you want to be treated and show him a good example of how you treat you. Expect nothing less and nothing more than how you treat yourself. If he can't hit you up before midnight, then don't respond.  If he can't get with basic communication at the very least, then he can't get with you.

     Ms. Available, we know you enjoy the attention of that man. You enjoy texts, spending time together, and all that he's doing for and with you. But when he wants to show up, don't always let him. Even though you want to, don't. Be busy. Occupy your own time. Let him wonder where you're at.  Go pamper yourself, go read a new book, go out with your girls, go to the beach, go catch a movie. Go be comfortable with being with yourself. Don't neglect yourself being available for him, Ms. Available. When you're confident in being by yourself, then you can attract people who are confident in being with you. You have to give yourself attention so that the attention you're getting from him doesn't feel like you've struck gold. Don't be impressed by attention and satisfied by crumbs. I don't know about you, but I like to eat. Crumbs don't satisfy me and they shouldn't satisfy you. I'll take lobster, thanks.

    Don't shut your life down for a man who isn't available for you in one way or another. He's too busy to treat you like a priority? Nah. He's too emotionally unavailable? Nah. He's flaky and can't stick to what he says? Nah. He's comfortable with where you two are at in your situationship, but you're dying inside? Nah. He can't communicate with you? Nah. You're worthy of a man who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. He's great sometimes, but you need all the time. Do not settle, sneeze at the word settle. It should give you hives, grab your EpiPen because the word alone should send you into anaphylaxis.

     You are a prize, you need to carry yourself like one. Let that man work for you! My father once said to me "think of the world's greatest treasures- diamonds, gold, pearls, oil. Do these things come easy? People toil at the ground and dig and dig deep to get these treasures. Men die in pursuit of these items, what makes you any different? You are a treasure to be valued." I know, he a real one. Ladies, know this: easy isn’t just spreading your legs, easy is accommodating. Why are you moving mountains for a man who can't even commit to you? Wean yourself off of someone who isn't going to value you. And give that man something to fear, if you're always around at his beck and call, he'll take advantage of you. He knows you'll be available because let's be real, you are. If that man isn't in the least bit afraid to lose you, he won't cherish you. Men can smell needy and sense desperate in the air, Ms. Available, what are you putting out? 

    You don't want to have power over him, you want to have power over you. Let that man catch you en route, if he calls you and wants to see you, tell him you can see him in 3 hours- maybe. No games, just have a life outside of waiting for him to show up for you. You have to be unavailable. You can't take the mystery and chase out of it. Then what do they have to do? They like to wonder, they like to chase, they like to win. Men like to work, it's what they're made to do. He has to work for you. Don't let him be lazy while you're working overtime, let that man work for you. Drop a "we'll see" every now and then, even if he has plans for you. Even if he dropped everything to make these plans- "we'll see." Let him think twice. Don't be sitting on the couch in your flyest dress with an empty tummy waiting for that text for dinner. Be out at dinner with you, your girls or another man you're dating and if that text slides into your inbox, "I'm at dinner right now, maybe we can meet up another time." Have that man anxious, like "damn I wish I'd asked her earlier." Or "I wish I was the one occupying her time" because your time is to be VALUED! Don't settle, *achew! for anything less. Ms. Available, move your tassel from the right to the left, you are now Ms. Unavailable. 


Stay golden 

Article by Olivia Steadman-Oladipo