This is a complicated one, it’s so circumstantial and one can’t really answer unless they’re in that situation but let’s dive into this one! Personally, I believe cheating is despicable and one of the top things that would cause me to walk out on a relationship, outside of marriage. If my man* were to cheat on me, it would show me two things: 1. he doesn’t respect me and our relationship and 2. he doesn’t value our relationship. Respect and value are very important within a relationship and if you don’t respect your relationship enough to not step out on it, that right there shows me how much you value it. It’s hard for me to see how people take cheaters back but again, one can’t say what they’d do until they’re living it and it’s not my place to judge. So, “should cheaters get a second chance?” Is this cheater a habitual cheater? Does this cheater lie about cheating? Did you find out through the grapevine that you were cheated on? Did this cheater have another relationship outside of yours? Is this person cheating on you because you’re unwilling to provide them with something physically?
Cheating can be so complex. If the answer to any of the aforementioned questions is yes, then no. I do not believe this person is worthy of a second chance, because aside from the selfishness, carelessness and disloyalty associated with the act, there is also dishonesty and mistrust. That takes longer to get over than the act of cheating itself. The one and only thing that would make me consider keeping a cheater on my team is marriage, when I make that vow to God- I intend to make it only once. Knowing me though, it won’t be easy to come back home.
I asked a few of my friends what they thought about it and the answers vary, I have a friend who believes everyone deserves a second chance, but after that it’s a wrap. I have another friend who believes that it depends on the situation and significance of the relationship. She thinks it’s harder to make that decision say if you’re married but in the end she can see herself giving a cheater a second chance. Lastly, I have a friend who believes it depends on circumstance but with some depth. He believes men and women cheat for different reasons and he would take into consideration taking a woman back that cheated on him if he felt he wasn’t doing his duty by fulfilling her as her man. He believes women cheat when they're not fulfilled, when they aren't getting what they need from their men. Be it physical or emotional. He believes men cheat to validate their masculinity and that it's an ego thing, in short. In the end, he says it depends on the longevity, whether or not he was fulfilling her and marriage but other than that, 9 out of 10 he couldn't commit to a woman who cheated on him.
The thought of taking a cheater back just gives me chills. It would haunt me, the wound would be reopened every time I thought about him making such a selfish decision. Cheating is a choice, it is your decision. If you consciously cheat on me, you’re consciously hurting me and that to me is not how you care for someone. I take relationships seriously and I can’t see myself marrying someone who has proven to me that they’re unfaithful and untrustworthy. That’s really all it boils down to. I love myself enough to know that what I have to offer is to be valued and not gambled. There is always another, someone who can treat you with the respect you deserve by staying faithful to you and only you and you shouldn’t settle for anything less.
Article by Olivia Steadman- Oladipo