Talks with Izz: Introducing Izz
Relationship Turbulence Pt. 1: Open Your Mouth.
What's good, beautiful people?
My name is Isaiah Gaymon, but you may know me as Izzy, King Izz, or just Izz. I am 25 years old and a recent graduate of Temple University. I was heavily involved during my years of undergrad. I was the 2013 Homecoming King. I also had the honor of being crowned 1st runner up of the National Council of Negro Women (NCNW) 2013 male scholarship pageant. This title has earned me the privilege to coach next generation pageant contestants. I’ve also served one full year on the executive board of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) and much more. These organizations have contributed to my growth as a leader and a motivator. Being a Philadelphia native, I can say that I've seen and experienced a great deal of things in my life. My mission in life is to inspire through every medium possible. I use my brand (Vizzual Media) to inspire and serve the community as well. Okay. That's enough about me for now. "Talks With Izz" is another avenue for me to share my thoughts, opinions, and advice with the people around me in hopes of benefiting someone else along the way. With that being said, let's get to it. Today I will be discussing turbulent relationships and some of the rough patches that couples tend to face. I will also speak from my own experiences.
How many of you find it difficult to feel at ease in certain aspects of your relationship? Do you feel like you're not heard? Do you even voice your concerns at all? I ask these questions because many relationships suffer due to some of these issues. As cliché as it may sound, I truly do believe that healthy communication is the key to a long-lasting relationship. The moment you allow communication to fail, you open up the window of opportunity for many problems. Why? Because lack of communication breeds the growth of assumption. I personally don't like assumptions.
I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now. It may not seem like a long time to some but I've learned so much in that time. We struggled with communicating in the first stages of our relationship and it really started taking a toll on us. Things had to change. Think about dealing with a hurt woman and not communicating the way you should. That was a recipe for disaster because she already had doubts and trust issues. Not communicating on my end did nothing but make those things worse. She would shut down when we had conflict and so would I. All that did was create a thickest wall of tension and anger that could have easily been resolved or avoided. Let's just say we didn't sleep much on nights like this.
I'm the guy that didn't always feel like communicating because it took so much out of me. In other words, I found it exhausting. Fellas, I can tell you now that communicating with my woman has been one of the most beneficial things that I could have ever done. I know she'd agree with me. We found that talking made things better. That doesn't mean that we didn't agree to disagree about certain things. It just means that we respect and love each other enough to clear the air. Things have never been better between us since we started communicating and being honest about every aspect of our relationship. I always tell her "I don't care how brutally honest you are with me. Tell me how you feel. Tell me when you don't feel appreciated, when I hurt your feelings, or when I do something right/wrong. I want to know everything in order to make this work." That doesn't mean that I can't disagree. Everything just needs to be put on the table and upfront so that it can be addressed. I may not always want to hear it, but it's beneficial. She feels the same way and she's my best friend and nothing needs to be held from her.
We as men often say that women love to talk and that it can be annoying at times. I've learned that it's more annoying when she stops talking. That's when you should be worried. Let her talk and talk back. It's so important to voice how you truly feel. No sugarcoating. Be honest. Talk about everything. Your issues. Sex life. Future plans. Past hurts. Everything. Talk about the good and the bad. Get it out because stress is beyond real. Open your mouth. It's easier said than done but it's not impossible. Communication definitely has its long-term benefits. When you allow communication to go undone, you're asking for bigger problems. Ladies and gentlemen, remember...there's somebody waiting for what you have and they will gladly communicate with your significant other if you're not open to it. Make it work if it's worth it to you.
What topics do you want me to discuss?
I will be discussing so many different things through this column; fashion, relationships, lifestyle topics, music, and more. Feel free to submit any topics, questions, concerns or feedback to http://www.surveygizmo.com/s3/3122383/88743b3718df