Is Not Being Financially Ready a Good Excuse for Men Not to Commit?

Personally, I believe not being financially ready is not a good excuse for men to not commit to a woman, I feel like it’s just an excuse plain and simple. Women are made to seem high maintenance and expensive, but a woman committed to building herself and her success understands that there are stepping stones to achieving it. I find it hard to believe that a woman who knows the struggle is going to demand a man to ignore his struggle to treat her to things he can’t afford during that period of time. There are levels to this though, an established woman taking care of a man saying that he’ll take care of her eventually while passing out mixtapes in front of the papi store. Nope, completely separated from a man working towards a degree living off a part time job. A man on his way to reaching his goals but asks you if you’d prefer staying in tonight and he’ll make dinner instead of taking you out for a bank breaking dinner downtown or suggests a nice walk through the park to a picnic is a man who shouldn’t feel like he has to be financially “ready” to commit to a woman who is ready to commit to him. I feel like that’s how you lose the right ones for you. But I’m not a man in a society that places hindering expectations upon me and instills machismo in me from birth so I’ve asked a few men their take on it:

Is not being financially ready a good excuse for men not to commit?

BD: I think it depends on the woman. If you're with someone who demands a lot out of you financially, it's not logical to commit to someone you can't provide for. 

OSO: Interesting point you bring up, so what if the woman isn't as interested in what you can provide for her and is just ready to commit to you? Do you feel like you have to be in a specific "place" to commit to her?

BD: It's hard to say, it just depends on where I am in my journey at the time. If I'm not feeling secure as a man who can provide for my woman, whether or not she's willing to ride, I won't be able to live comfortably with the idea of us struggling and I can't do anything to change it. I'd like to give her anything she'd like.

OSO: What if that means losing her because you're unable to commit to her?

BD: If she can't understand where I'm coming from, she may not be the one for me. 

Is not being financially ready a good excuse for men not to commit?

JB: Yes, for the men whose problem that is. I, on the other hand, believe in finding a way. 

OSO: For the men whose problem that is, why is it a good reason? 

JB: Because of some of the assumptions that go into the male role as provider, taking people out, gift giving etc. Not that women can't do that as well but it gets really old really fast when the woman is the only person providing, especially with activities that cost money. 

OSO: Do you think those assumptions are placed on you by society? 

JB: I think it's a little bit of both assumptions coming from society and expectations from women. There's societal pressure because of how male roles are portrayed in the media. And for women, often times women romanticize relationships and have unrealistic expectations based on Hollywood romance. 

OSO: So when do you believe you as a man have reached financial stability and security and are able to commit to a woman? 

JB: Not having money is not a real thing to me, if I don't have money, I'm going to find a way. For myself, I don't need to be financially ready to commit to a relationship.

Is not being financially ready a good excuse for men not to commit?

BM: Yes, it's not the only reason men shouldn't commit but I think it's a determining factor because a relationship is about having yourself together before being with someone else, so that you may grow together. 

OSO: What classifies as having yourself together?

BM: Being able to sustain yourself and your life habits, being able to take care of yourself and living within your means. If you're comfortable enough to do that, save and have extra, then at that point you have yourself together. 

OSO: Do you think a woman has to be at the same level of togetherness to commit to her?

BM: Absolutely, I won't date you if you're not. You fly under the radar. I'm completely goal driven and being around people who aren't, it's like poison because you are the company you keep. It has to be beyond attraction, you have to be able to have that other factor. Initial attraction fades and can found anywhere. You have to be 1 of 2 things, 1. you have to have it together or 2. you have to have a plan to get it together. That's where I'm at right now.  

There you have it, the inside scoop to give you some perspective as to what makes or doesn't make a man in today's society hesitant to settle down when it comes to his financial security. I want to thank these gentlemen for their opinions, it definitely expanded my horizon

Article by Olivia Steadman-Oladipo

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